Thursday, October 8, 2009

Moo Becomes Orthodox

(Click on picture to embiggen)

Well folks, I'd like to announce that I've finally decided to become Orthodox. It just seemed to be a natural part of my journey. I mean, think about it... I'm in a perpetual state of prostration. I'm vegan. I literally AM the lowliest servant. I'm celibate and live rent free in a mud hut in someone else's back yard by myself. I don't have a job. I don't bathe and go barefoot. I walk around in circles all day with my prayer rope and wait for someone to give me food. "Really Slow" is just peachy in my book. Most importantly, I grew a beard... and that's quite an accomplishment for a tortoise.

I visited St. John's Monastery recently where s-p worked on the Church (we're all sitting in front of it here). Bishop Benjamin was visiting. By the look on his face you'd think he'd never seen an Orthodox reptile before. I had a nice chat with him about ordination. He asked how long I've been Orthodox and I told him, "Long enough to grow this beard!" He said something about me not being the first new convert he ever met with a beard and a prayer rope. He told me there's something about a canonical impediment for reptiles. I guess I'll have to check out "The Rudder" to see if he's blowing incense up my shell.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my journey with my friends. More to come, I'm sure...


  1. other than the whole bit about standing in line with over 2000 years of church history and never hearing another contemporary christian worship song, i have to say that the beards are one of the things that appeal to me most about orthodoxy. maybe it's just growing up a zz top fan before finding jesus, but i'm jealous :)

  2. Well Moo,
    Since you are Orthodox do I have to kiss you once on each cheek, or just once, or the 3 times thing like in some Eastern European cultures? Or does your jurisdiction just shake hands? I know the other day you were angling for a kiss, but you know I am weirded out by humans kissing pets. Here's some lettuce

  3. Hi tgw, Turtles never "shake" anything. :)
    Actually, the Tortisian Orthodox are monokissites, we only kiss once (and never tell!) Our Tradition probably developed because at our speed if we did the Russian triple kiss thing we'd be at Church all day just greeting one another hello.

    I understand how you feel about kissing pets. s-p weirds me out and I'm glad he just pats me on the head and gives me lettuce as a greeting. I'm always good with that instead of a kiss. Kissing is fine but when you're done your stomach still growls, and besides, it is much less awkward for the humans.

  4. ~grins ear 2 ear~ Shakes her head~ giggles wildly~... God grant you many years Moo! Hopefully the slower pace of life will give you peace & contentment for a lifetime. =-)

  5. Mnoy ga a lettuce, Moo.

    Am I right in thinking there is no great theological difference between monokissites and dyokissites and it's all down to a misunderstanding because Chalcedon was convened too quickly for the Tortisians to get there?

  6. Moo,

    Are you old calendar? I ask because it occurs to me that you may be older than the implementation of the new calendar.

  7. Och, Actually St. John's Monastery (OCA)is on the Old Calendar (you can tell because the monks' beards are just a LIIITTTLLE bit longer than the new calendar monks'). (Former)Abbot Jonah was given a special dispensation from Bp. Tikhon and not recinded by Bp. Benjamin. One thing good about being Tortisian Orthodox, as Margaret points out, is we don't have a problem with "Slow" and "a loooonnnggg time". (Don't stand in front of the Orthodox Glacier, you might be run over in 900 years!) Actually, I wasn't alive when the calendar changed but I may very well be alive when the issue is resolved in another 100 years or more.


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