Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Moo Mail

Dear Moo,
I'm trying to send an email to your landlord and his email link from Pithless Thoughts is not working with my computer, which is behaving badly at the moment and wants to make me make a group out of him.

When you see him, can you ask him to send me an email with his regular address, so I don't have to bother you?

In return for your kind efforts on my behalf, I'll attach a photo I took the other day. My family and I went out to eat at a favorite local Vietnamese restaurant the other night, and when we went back to our car, we looked in the window of a very eclectic business right next door (a business which makes and sells rag rugs and neon lights!). My husband and I both thought of you - and your landlord. The photo was taken with the crummy camera on my cell phone. Still, I hope you can see it.

This note has given me the perfect forum to share it with you!

Dear -C,
Don't worry about bothering me about s-p stuff, I am my owner's keeper. Its a thankless job but someone has to do it and his Wifie wisely gave up years ago. I doubt that it is your computer that is acting up, s-p is about as dumb as a box of floppy disks when it comes to computers and internet stuff. It doesn't surprise me your computer wants to make a group out of him...I've always thought he was "legion". Maybe your computer knows something.

Thank you for the picture of my nephew, Moose. Although after my narrow escape from the Sezchuan restaurant where the "Moo Goo Gai Pan" picture was taken, I have to say I'm more than a little worried about him. I tried to tell the pet store people I thought the restaurant owners had bad intentions when they came in and "HAD to have a turtle right away!" (Am I the only one that has noticed Chinese restaurants always seem to open in the same strip malls with veterinarians and pet stores?) Let me know if he mysteriously disappears and turtle soup shows up in "Column B".

Anyway, here is s-p's email address:

best regards,

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Moona Lisa

Ooh, that enigmatic smile...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Daughter #1 from Moo. He's a little miffed we didn't bring him a salad to go from Native New Yorker last night after he bought the birthday hat and all...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Taj Moohal

This is the condo s-p built for me in the corner of the yard. Its a cozy little studio setup attached to the shed, and has an insulated ceiling and a raised floor in case it rains enough to flood my front yard. The common wall is with a lawnmower and gardening tools so they're pretty quiet neighbors until they come out to party. I've got some nice rock landscaping and my own private water dish that I don't have to share with the fish. Mmmmm...fishless water!

I also have free access to a couple hundred square feet of grazing area.

I pretty much spend the nights and hottest parts of the day in here. In the summer I try to beat the heat and grab some breakfast before 9AM, although now that it is cooling down I'll sleep in until 8 or 9, and if it stays below 90 I'll lay in the sun to keep up with my tan. (You never know when a potential Mrs. Moo might show up in the yard.) I'll usually grab supper in the late afternoon and hit the sack when it gets dark.

I'll probably hire someone to put some kind of a door on that has a turtle friendly doorknob of some kind, and wire it for a small heater for the winter months. Fortunately, I was able to grow an Orthodox beard just in time for winter, so at least my chin will stay warm.
But, I don't think shell and leg fur is in the gene pool for me. I've shopped around and I haven't seen any human neck sweaters in my size at the mall around here...they're all made for those tiny svelte size 4 Desert Tortoises, not us BBT's. (I'll bet if Oprah was a turtle they'd carry her size...)

I've heard rumors that s-p is planning to remodel the back yard. I'll have to see what's going on. More later....

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Moo Becomes Orthodox

(Click on picture to embiggen)

Well folks, I'd like to announce that I've finally decided to become Orthodox. It just seemed to be a natural part of my journey. I mean, think about it... I'm in a perpetual state of prostration. I'm vegan. I literally AM the lowliest servant. I'm celibate and live rent free in a mud hut in someone else's back yard by myself. I don't have a job. I don't bathe and go barefoot. I walk around in circles all day with my prayer rope and wait for someone to give me food. "Really Slow" is just peachy in my book. Most importantly, I grew a beard... and that's quite an accomplishment for a tortoise.

I visited St. John's Monastery recently where s-p worked on the Church (we're all sitting in front of it here). Bishop Benjamin was visiting. By the look on his face you'd think he'd never seen an Orthodox reptile before. I had a nice chat with him about ordination. He asked how long I've been Orthodox and I told him, "Long enough to grow this beard!" He said something about me not being the first new convert he ever met with a beard and a prayer rope. He told me there's something about a canonical impediment for reptiles. I guess I'll have to check out "The Rudder" to see if he's blowing incense up my shell.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my journey with my friends. More to come, I'm sure...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Kiss Me, Baby!

I know you can't resist....MMMMMWAAH!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Things That Moo is Faster Than #3

Shaq getting back on defense. (Click on picture to enlarge)

Breaking News from Suns' Training Camp

Last season, the Phoenix Suns' disastrous "7 Seconds or Shaq" experiment under Terry Porter left the Suns with a lack of identity and one of the worst seasons in Suns history.

Under new Head Coach Alvin Gentry, the Suns have overhauled their offensive strategy for the coming season. Steve Kerr has recruited Moo the Turtle, an Afro-tortisian player from the sub-Sahara, to replace Shaq as center and will go to a "7 Minute or Moo" offense.

"Moo is unstoppable. He's a powerhouse... he's wide, slow and low, but tall for a tortoise. He's everything we need to just plow to the basket," Gentry said. "He can slow the game down better than anyone in the NBA right now, Tim Duncan won't know what to do with him."

"The problem the Suns have always had in the playoffs is teams slowing down the game, so we decided to raise the ante and give the Spurs a mosey for their money down the court," Kerr said in a recent interview. Kerr is currently lobbying Commissioner David Stern for a change of rules and the institution of a 24 minute shot clock to accommodate the Suns new offensive style of play. "The NBA has changed the rules to make the game go faster, its time they looked at what I believe is the future of NBA style of play with the recruitment of Moo," said Kerr.

The Suns have signed Moo to a five year contract of 3 tons of leafy greens per year with a signing bonus of a half ton of Romaine lettuce.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Moo Fan Mail from the UK

Dear Moo, I just wanted to that im definitely in the moo fanclub! My mother linked me to the blog & im just in love! But we need moreeee photos!
If only Moo was mine!!!

R. in the U.K.

Dear R.,

Thank you for joining the Moo fanclub. With rugged good looks like mine I totally understand how easy it is to fall head over heels in love with me, I do it every morning when I look in the mirror. (Harrison Ford is catching up to me…) It is hard to be so good looking…I can’t go anywhere without people staring and pointing at me…and its not like I can run away from photographers and autograph seekers. I’ll try to get more photos posted, but s-p keeps telling me he has a “life” and can’t spend all day following me around the back yard with a camera. Some people just don’t have their priorities straight. But I will tell you I have some really cool MOO! stuff coming on the blog, so stay tuned!

Anyway, your Mother is a wonderful Mum and must really care about you to share such an important part of her life with you,…but if she REALLY loved you, she’d get you a Moo of your own. You can find out all about owning your very own Moo at

But if your Mum won’t buy you one, Daddies will buy their little girls anything if you smile real cute and say, “Daadddyyyyyy, pleeeeeeeze?” I know they sell lettuce in the UK and Christmas is coming soon...