Things That Moo is Faster Than #3

Shaq getting back on defense. (Click on picture to enlarge)

Breaking News from Suns' Training Camp

Last season, the Phoenix Suns' disastrous "7 Seconds or Shaq" experiment under Terry Porter left the Suns with a lack of identity and one of the worst seasons in Suns history.

Under new Head Coach Alvin Gentry, the Suns have overhauled their offensive strategy for the coming season. Steve Kerr has recruited Moo the Turtle, an Afro-tortisian player from the sub-Sahara, to replace Shaq as center and will go to a "7 Minute or Moo" offense.

"Moo is unstoppable. He's a powerhouse... he's wide, slow and low, but tall for a tortoise. He's everything we need to just plow to the basket," Gentry said. "He can slow the game down better than anyone in the NBA right now, Tim Duncan won't know what to do with him."

"The problem the Suns have always had in the playoffs is teams slowing down the game, so we decided to raise the ante and give the Spurs a mosey for their money down the court," Kerr said in a recent interview. Kerr is currently lobbying Commissioner David Stern for a change of rules and the institution of a 24 minute shot clock to accommodate the Suns new offensive style of play. "The NBA has changed the rules to make the game go faster, its time they looked at what I believe is the future of NBA style of play with the recruitment of Moo," said Kerr.

The Suns have signed Moo to a five year contract of 3 tons of leafy greens per year with a signing bonus of a half ton of Romaine lettuce.