Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Turtle Fireplaces
He's a lousy tipper.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Don't Fence Me In!!!
...so to keep me out of her garden and off her patio, she made him build a fence across the yard. I admit she was generous and gave me a third of the yard. The Taj Moo-hal has a nice front yard with landscaping, a tree and plenty of roaming room. She even made it Greek Orthodox for me.
(What's that red glow, you ask? I will say it's not me glowing with the uncreated light... more on the glow in a later post.)
Anyway, as always, the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. It was lunchtime and I couldn't jump the fence like the dogs do, so I opened the gate.
The wifey made s-p built a new gate last Saturday. He thinks it is Moo-proof. We'll see about that.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
What Turtles Can't Do
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Moo Mail
I'm trying to send an email to your landlord and his email link from Pithless Thoughts is not working with my computer, which is behaving badly at the moment and wants to make me make a group out of him.
When you see him, can you ask him to send me an email with his regular address, so I don't have to bother you?
In return for your kind efforts on my behalf, I'll attach a photo I took the other day. My family and I went out to eat at a favorite local Vietnamese restaurant the other night, and when we went back to our car, we looked in the window of a very eclectic business right next door (a business which makes and sells rag rugs and neon lights!). My husband and I both thought of you - and your landlord. The photo was taken with the crummy camera on my cell phone. Still, I hope you can see it.
This note has given me the perfect forum to share it with you!
Dear -C,
Don't worry about bothering me about s-p stuff, I am my owner's keeper. Its a thankless job but someone has to do it and his Wifie wisely gave up years ago. I doubt that it is your computer that is acting up, s-p is about as dumb as a box of floppy disks when it comes to computers and internet stuff. It doesn't surprise me your computer wants to make a group out of him...I've always thought he was "legion". Maybe your computer knows something.
Thank you for the picture of my nephew, Moose. Although after my narrow escape from the Sezchuan restaurant where the "Moo Goo Gai Pan" picture was taken, I have to say I'm more than a little worried about him. I tried to tell the pet store people I thought the restaurant owners had bad intentions when they came in and "HAD to have a turtle right away!" (Am I the only one that has noticed Chinese restaurants always seem to open in the same strip malls with veterinarians and pet stores?) Let me know if he mysteriously disappears and turtle soup shows up in "Column B".
Anyway, here is s-p's email address: stevenpaul4@cox.net
best regards,
Moo!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Happy Birthday!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
The Taj Moohal
I also have free access to a couple hundred square feet of grazing area.
I pretty much spend the nights and hottest parts of the day in here. In the summer I try to beat the heat and grab some breakfast before 9AM, although now that it is cooling down I'll sleep in until 8 or 9, and if it stays below 90 I'll lay in the sun to keep up with my tan. (You never know when a potential Mrs. Moo might show up in the yard.) I'll usually grab supper in the late afternoon and hit the sack when it gets dark.
I'll probably hire someone to put some kind of a door on that has a turtle friendly doorknob of some kind, and wire it for a small heater for the winter months. Fortunately, I was able to grow an Orthodox beard just in time for winter, so at least my chin will stay warm.
But, I don't think shell and leg fur is in the gene pool for me. I've shopped around and I haven't seen any human neck sweaters in my size at the mall around here...they're all made for those tiny svelte size 4 Desert Tortoises, not us BBT's. (I'll bet if Oprah was a turtle they'd carry her size...)
I've heard rumors that s-p is planning to remodel the back yard. I'll have to see what's going on. More later....
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Moo Becomes Orthodox
Well folks, I'd like to announce that I've finally decided to become Orthodox. It just seemed to be a natural part of my journey. I mean, think about it... I'm in a perpetual state of prostration. I'm vegan. I literally AM the lowliest servant. I'm celibate and live rent free in a mud hut in someone else's back yard by myself. I don't have a job. I don't bathe and go barefoot. I walk around in circles all day with my prayer rope and wait for someone to give me food. "Really Slow" is just peachy in my book. Most importantly, I grew a beard... and that's quite an accomplishment for a tortoise.
I visited St. John's Monastery recently where s-p worked on the Church (we're all sitting in front of it here). Bishop Benjamin was visiting. By the look on his face you'd think he'd never seen an Orthodox reptile before. I had a nice chat with him about ordination. He asked how long I've been Orthodox and I told him, "Long enough to grow this beard!" He said something about me not being the first new convert he ever met with a beard and a prayer rope. He told me there's something about a canonical impediment for reptiles. I guess I'll have to check out "The Rudder" to see if he's blowing incense up my shell.
Anyway, just thought I'd share my journey with my friends. More to come, I'm sure...
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Things That Moo is Faster Than #3
Breaking News from Suns' Training Camp
Last season, the Phoenix Suns' disastrous "7 Seconds or Shaq" experiment under Terry Porter left the Suns with a lack of identity and one of the worst seasons in Suns history.
Under new Head Coach Alvin Gentry, the Suns have overhauled their offensive strategy for the coming season. Steve Kerr has recruited Moo the Turtle, an Afro-tortisian player from the sub-Sahara, to replace Shaq as center and will go to a "7 Minute or Moo" offense.
"Moo is unstoppable. He's a powerhouse... he's wide, slow and low, but tall for a tortoise. He's everything we need to just plow to the basket," Gentry said. "He can slow the game down better than anyone in the NBA right now, Tim Duncan won't know what to do with him."
"The problem the Suns have always had in the playoffs is teams slowing down the game, so we decided to raise the ante and give the Spurs a mosey for their money down the court," Kerr said in a recent interview. Kerr is currently lobbying Commissioner David Stern for a change of rules and the institution of a 24 minute shot clock to accommodate the Suns new offensive style of play. "The NBA has changed the rules to make the game go faster, its time they looked at what I believe is the future of NBA style of play with the recruitment of Moo," said Kerr.
The Suns have signed Moo to a five year contract of 3 tons of leafy greens per year with a signing bonus of a half ton of Romaine lettuce.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Moo Fan Mail from the UK
If only Moo was mine!!!
R. in the
Dear R.,
Thank you for joining the Moo fanclub. With rugged good looks like mine I totally understand how easy it is to fall head over heels in love with me, I do it every morning when I look in the mirror. (Harrison Ford is catching up to me…) It is hard to be so good looking…I can’t go anywhere without people staring and pointing at me…and its not like I can run away from photographers and autograph seekers. I’ll try to get more photos posted, but s-p keeps telling me he has a “life” and can’t spend all day following me around the back yard with a camera. Some people just don’t have their priorities straight. But I will tell you I have some really cool MOO! stuff coming on the blog, so stay tuned!
Anyway, your Mother is a wonderful Mum and must really care about you to share such an important part of her life with you,…but if she REALLY loved you, she’d get you a Moo of your own. You can find out all about owning your very own Moo at http://www.sulcata-station.org/
But if your Mum won’t buy you one, Daddies will buy their little girls anything if you smile real cute and say, “Daadddyyyyyy, pleeeeeeeze?” I know they sell lettuce in the
Sincerely,
Moo!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Dear Moo: Moo's Mailbox 9-25-09
Dear Moo:
....Looking at the banner of you with your dear friends, I was reminded of the Dr. Seuss book, Yertle the Turtle, and realized that you are in fact, making a statement of brotherhood that should inspire us all. Whereas Yertle insisted on getting on the backs of his fellow turtles so that he could claim to possess all that he surveyed, you stay on the bottom, offering your back to those poor, stiff-limbed fellow creatures so that they can be up high.
So touching. I dab a tear. .. (or am I overthinking it?) (while I’m at it, are you a turtle or a tortoise? Forgive my ignorance.)
G.
__________________________________________________________________
I can see in high school biology you were probably mentally perusing the genes of the guy in the third row instead of listening to the lecture, so let me fill in your “lost day in time”.
I’m part of a class of reptiles called chelonians, which includes turtles, tortoises, and terrapins. The tortoise family name is technically testudinidae which is a kind of a turtle, so not all turtles are tortoises (and not all tortoises have testu....never mind). I’m a particular kind of tortoise called sulcata, soooo we can conclude then that not all tortoises are sulcatas. (I know this is fast stuff, try to keep up with me here, OK).
You’ll notice that politically correct biologists, Episcopalians and 87% of the people in
Anyway, Yertle the Turtle… Here’s a little known fact about him: He was Adolf Hitler. Yep, that’s right. Dr. Seuss said so. Yertle was king of the pond and wanted more and more. He was furious that the moon was higher than him so he forced the other turtles to stack themselves so he could ride on their backs higher and higher, until Mack at the bottom of the stack burped and sent Yertle flying into the mud and freed the rest of the turtles from their servitude. Random House had a problem with the book. It wasn’t the Hitler analogy, it was Mack the Turtle burping. No one had ever burped in a children’s book before that.
Anyway, while I’m touched by your "Kleenex Moment" reaction to my Tortoise kenosis, I have to admit I wasn’t making a statement, I was being a glutton. The Kiwi and Iguana were jealous of me and the Armadillo getting all the blog exposure so they tricked s-p into doing the cheerleader stack. “Oh, s-p, you’ll look SOOOO clever!” they said. “You might even get a comment on your blog or maybe even a friend on Facebook out of it!” they told him. "Feed the turtle, when his shell is turned we'll jump on and you snap the picture" they said. So between his ego and my lettuce addiction we got used by the furry bird and lizard. He still doesn't realize what happened. It ticks me off they get top billing on the blog. But what the heck...it is kinda clever and I AM in the picture.
Yours,
Moo!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tchaikovsky's First Draft
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
The Tortoise King
This is Moo, the Tortoise King of my back yard.
(Click image to enlarge)
Grace, in a comment, reminded me of an image that I had in my now low voltage failing synapses but couldn't bring out of the fog...
This is from the "Town Musicians of Bremen"
There's just something about animals stacked up that is just well, ... cool. Maybe its a guy thing.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
A Stray WHAT????
"Go look in the back yard and see what I found at the dog park!"
I sighed.. OK
Meet Moo (and Maggie...she's the one on the left). The daughter calls her Moo because she immediately started eating the lawn.
The funny thing is, I was working at a client's home today and told her about finding the tortoise and she said, "WOW!! I used to raise tortoises! HOW COOL!!" She said they are very sociable and will respond to their name. (This one comes out when people are in the yard and likes to be petted on the head.) So she gave me a lot of advice and care and feeding tips and knows about a "Tortoise Society" locally. We did some googling and found out we have an African Sulcata Tortoise. They get upwards of 100 pounds or more. Moo is well on the way.
We were talking at supper. We're the only people I know that have found three turtles in Arizona. I think she's a keeper (Moo and Maggie...)