West Coast Bishop's Meeting

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Napolean at WaterMoo

Salvador Mooli

Moo Visits the Vet

Tortoise Prostate Exam... Ouch!

Merry Christmas!

It was a balmy 65 degrees today so I thought I'd come out, catch some rays and wish you all a Merry Christmoos! If you see me coming down your chimney, don't be scared, it might take me until New Years. Ho Ho Ho!

Turtle Fireplaces

It is winter in Arizona. We've gotten down to the mid 30's a couple times lately and the highs are in the mid 50's with some rain for the first time in months. The Taj Moohal has proven to be waterproof and is now outfitted with a "fireplace" (the red glow you saw in the earlier pictures): a bathroom 250 watt red "heatlamp" bulb suspended from the ceiling in a drop light. (I heard somewhere that reptiles can't see "red".) Moo has taken up residence and spent the last week indoors in front of the fireplace. He calls and orders lettuce pizza delivery.
He's a lousy tipper.

Moollerina

Don't Fence Me In!!!

So, s-p's wife got tired of me eating her flowers, trampling her garden, re-arranging her potted plants and pushing her patio furniture around on the porch. She kept putting these potted plants in my way so I pushed them aside.

...so to keep me out of her garden and off her patio, she made him build a fence across the yard. I admit she was generous and gave me a third of the yard. The Taj Moo-hal has a nice front yard with landscaping, a tree and plenty of roaming room. She even made it Greek Orthodox for me.
(What's that red glow, you ask? I will say it's not me glowing with the uncreated light... more on the glow in a later post.)

Anyway, as always, the grass was greener on the other side of the fence. It was lunchtime and I couldn't jump the fence like the dogs do, so I opened the gate.


The wifey made s-p built a new gate last Saturday. He thinks it is Moo-proof. We'll see about that.

What Turtles Can't Do

I really need to get that seat lowered...
(Note: No turtles were harmed in the making of this picture. Actually the bike was already on the ground and Moo decided to crawl through it instead of around it... He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer sometimes.)

Bathing Beauty

WARNING: R-rated Turtle Nudity!

EEEEK!!

XXX voyeur video.

BarseMoophius Goes on a Pilgrimmage

The nice thing about being a turtle... no luggage.

Moofield Parrish

Moo Mail

Dear Moo,
I'm trying to send an email to your landlord and his email link from Pithless Thoughts is not working with my computer, which is behaving badly at the moment and wants to make me make a group out of him.

When you see him, can you ask him to send me an email with his regular address, so I don't have to bother you?

In return for your kind efforts on my behalf, I'll attach a photo I took the other day. My family and I went out to eat at a favorite local Vietnamese restaurant the other night, and when we went back to our car, we looked in the window of a very eclectic business right next door (a business which makes and sells rag rugs and neon lights!). My husband and I both thought of you - and your landlord. The photo was taken with the crummy camera on my cell phone. Still, I hope you can see it.

This note has given me the perfect forum to share it with you!


Dear -C,
Don't worry about bothering me about s-p stuff, I am my owner's keeper. Its a thankless job but someone has to do it and his Wifie wisely gave up years ago. I doubt that it is your computer that is acting up, s-p is about as dumb as a box of floppy disks when it comes to computers and internet stuff. It doesn't surprise me your computer wants to make a group out of him...I've always thought he was "legion". Maybe your computer knows something.

Thank you for the picture of my nephew, Moose. Although after my narrow escape from the Sezchuan restaurant where the "Moo Goo Gai Pan" picture was taken, I have to say I'm more than a little worried about him. I tried to tell the pet store people I thought the restaurant owners had bad intentions when they came in and "HAD to have a turtle right away!" (Am I the only one that has noticed Chinese restaurants always seem to open in the same strip malls with veterinarians and pet stores?) Let me know if he mysteriously disappears and turtle soup shows up in "Column B".

Anyway, here is s-p's email address: stevenpaul4@cox.net

best regards,
Moo!

Moona Lisa

Ooh, that enigmatic smile...

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Daughter #1 from Moo. He's a little miffed we didn't bring him a salad to go from Native New Yorker last night after he bought the birthday hat and all...

What Are You Screaming About?

Moo Goo Gai Pan

Whoa...

The Taj Moohal

This is the condo s-p built for me in the corner of the yard. Its a cozy little studio setup attached to the shed, and has an insulated ceiling and a raised floor in case it rains enough to flood my front yard. The common wall is with a lawnmower and gardening tools so they're pretty quiet neighbors until they come out to party. I've got some nice rock landscaping and my own private water dish that I don't have to share with the fish. Mmmmm...fishless water!

I also have free access to a couple hundred square feet of grazing area.

I pretty much spend the nights and hottest parts of the day in here. In the summer I try to beat the heat and grab some breakfast before 9AM, although now that it is cooling down I'll sleep in until 8 or 9, and if it stays below 90 I'll lay in the sun to keep up with my tan. (You never know when a potential Mrs. Moo might show up in the yard.) I'll usually grab supper in the late afternoon and hit the sack when it gets dark.

I'll probably hire someone to put some kind of a door on that has a turtle friendly doorknob of some kind, and wire it for a small heater for the winter months. Fortunately, I was able to grow an Orthodox beard just in time for winter, so at least my chin will stay warm.
But, I don't think shell and leg fur is in the gene pool for me. I've shopped around and I haven't seen any human neck sweaters in my size at the mall around here...they're all made for those tiny svelte size 4 Desert Tortoises, not us BBT's. (I'll bet if Oprah was a turtle they'd carry her size...)

I've heard rumors that s-p is planning to remodel the back yard. I'll have to see what's going on. More later....

Moo Becomes Orthodox

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Well folks, I'd like to announce that I've finally decided to become Orthodox. It just seemed to be a natural part of my journey. I mean, think about it... I'm in a perpetual state of prostration. I'm vegan. I literally AM the lowliest servant. I'm celibate and live rent free in a mud hut in someone else's back yard by myself. I don't have a job. I don't bathe and go barefoot. I walk around in circles all day with my prayer rope and wait for someone to give me food. "Really Slow" is just peachy in my book. Most importantly, I grew a beard... and that's quite an accomplishment for a tortoise.

I visited St. John's Monastery recently where s-p worked on the Church (we're all sitting in front of it here). Bishop Benjamin was visiting. By the look on his face you'd think he'd never seen an Orthodox reptile before. I had a nice chat with him about ordination. He asked how long I've been Orthodox and I told him, "Long enough to grow this beard!" He said something about me not being the first new convert he ever met with a beard and a prayer rope. He told me there's something about a canonical impediment for reptiles. I guess I'll have to check out "The Rudder" to see if he's blowing incense up my shell.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my journey with my friends. More to come, I'm sure...